What I always wanted
by Mewpet2
Summary: New Moon AU. The wolves arrive late and Bella gets bitten by Laurent. R&R.


**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight- Stephanie Meyer does.**

**This starts from the part when Bella finds the meadow, and Laurent is there. Italics from New Moon and Twilight.  
**

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_I stared at him in horror._

_He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply._

_I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as i cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. _Edward, Edward, Edward. _I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. _Edward, I love you._  
_

Laurent sprung in one lightning fast movement.

_Goodbye, Edward_. I thought as Laurent's sharp teeth pierced the side of my neck.

I felt his pulls and felt my head go light as the blood flow diverted from its original source. It wasn't nearly as painful as I had expected it to be.

I relaxed my muscles, wisps of Laurent's hair drifted in front of my face before I closed my eyes.

I felt the low growl almost before I heard it. When I did, my eyes shot open and I felt Laurent leave my neck, to look round at the noise. At first I saw nothing, though my vision was blurred with tears. I realised I was crying. But then, a huge shape emerged from the trees and Laurent was moving away from me. As soon as he let go of me, I fell to the ground on my back, my legs weak and useless.

_Run! _My mind was screaming at me.

But I couldn't move and I stared down as the huge black shape advanced at Laurent. It was black, as large as a horse, but with more muscle and razor sharp, glinting teeth that showed as it let out a deep, feral growl.

I could feel my own blood running down the side of my neck, oozing down my shirt and soaking it. My hands lifted to stem the blood flow, but they were as heavy as lead.

_You have to survive. _I heard Edward's begging voice through my memory. It was almost a relief to say his name. Something to recognise in this despairing hour.

That's when I felt the burn begin.

It had slipped my mind about the venom. I remembered Alice had told me in the hotel room while we were hiding out from James. _"We have another fairly superfluous weapon. We're also venomous. The venom doesn't kill- its merely incapacitating. It works slowly, spreading through the bloodstream, so that, once bitten, our prey is in too much physical pain to escape us. Mostly superfluous as I said. Of course, there are always exceptions. Carlisle, for example..."_

I had asked her what would happen then, and she had replied. _"It take a few days for the transformation to be complete, depending on how much venom is in the bloodstream, how close the venom enters to the heart. As long as the heart keeps beating, the poison spreads, healing, changing the body as it moves through it. Eventually the heart stops, and the conversion is finished. But all that time, every minute of it, a victim would be wishing for death..."_

I had Laurent's venom in my bloodstream. I was going to be in agony for days. And at the end of it, I would be a vampire. It had been my wish, a long time ago, when I still had _him _with me.

The burning fire of the venom tore through my veins, making it feel as though I was being burned alive, as though acid had replaced my blood. The acid actually seemed more desirable right now.

In the corner of my mind, I wondered what that huge animal had been, and what had happened to Laurent. Why had he backed away from me? What was strong enough to make a vampire fear it?

But I could barely concentrate, and the fire surged towards my heart. I was silently begging for Laurent to kill me. Anything would be better than this pain.

Adrenaline coursed through me, and battled with the fire, but it was a short battle and my mind was going a hundred miles a minute, going round and round in circles. I couldn't hold back the pain any longer, and I screamed.

As I screamed, I realised that if I made a noise, then the animal and Laurent could come back and finish me of. _Just what I want_. I thought to myself. But my rational side scolded me for being ridiculous and gave me images of _him_.

Eternal life would be worthless without _him_. But maybe he would love me like a vampire? I would be his equal, and he wouldn't have to protect me any more. There would be no more mortal danger, and I could protect _him _too. I would find him. If I made it through this transformation in one piece, then I would find him and stay by his side forever.

My heart expanded with love, and I stopped screaming, and clenched my teeth together to stop making a sound again. To see _him _ I would need to stay quiet and stay alive.

The fire ripped through me for god-knows how long. But after a while, I realised I could hear something. Voices. One very high, and one low. I listened in to what they were saying and realised they were very familiar.

"its been three days." said the deep voice. It was familiar, but in my fire induced agony, I couldn't place a name.

"I know." another voice sighed. This one was high, and gentle and I could hear the hurt in the voice. It was even more familiar to me, and I was _so close _to placing a name to the sound.

"How much longer is left?" asked the deep one. It had a slight accent to it, but still, I couldn't think of any. In this state, I could barely remember my own name.

"Hours at the most." replied the high voice. _Give me a_ _clue_! My mind screamed at them.

"She's silent." the deep one again.

"She's a fighter. I expect nothing less of her." the high one's voice was proud.

A fighter? It wasn't something I would have called myself.

A few more hours of unendurable burning later, I could hear my own heartbeat race even faster. The fire receded from my limbs to gather in my heart in one burning point. It was pure agony and I could do nothing to stop it. To take my mind of the pain, I counted my last heartbeats.

One... Two... Three... Four...

Silence.

Then the fire stopped and my breath caught in my throat at the absence of my heartbeat and the sheer relief of the calm I felt. The pain was gone and it was all I could think about.

I could then hear the light tapping of footsteps racing at lightning speed up some stairs in perfect clarity and I could hear a door open, and footsteps approach the bed and stop just a few feet away. I couldn't hear any breathing, or any heartbeat. All was silent. All was still.

I opened my eyes to see who was at the bottom of the bed, and I instantly recognised them. My heart filled with a soaring happiness and my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.

"_Alice_!"

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**A/N: Not sure if its worth continuing. Please review! Constructive critisism very welcome!**


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